Elderly loved ones can often show resistance to care options that you thought were perfectly fine ideas. Your loved one might not want help from someone else driving him to appointments, for example, while you know that he has too much trouble seeing the road in order to drive safely. Sometimes it’s all in how you propose the solution.

If your loved one is already having issues regarding independence and accepting additional care assistance, showing up with a final decision already made is going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. You can suggest new ideas as a temporary situation or a trial run so that your loved one can get a feel for how the situation would work for him, but do your best to avoid handing down an edict.

Describing one of your ideas in even a lukewarm manner may be just enough for your loved one to grab onto and use as an argument against whatever new care options you’re suggesting. If you’re trying to convince him to give up driving, for example, you don’t want to talk about any of the negative aspects, perceived or real. Show him how much money he’d save, describe how he’ll be able to run his errands any time that he wants, and remind him that he’d have a safe driving companion along with him.

For your loved one, this is all about him. But for you, sometimes additional care options mean that you are able to gain some time for self-care or simply that you know your loved one is in good hands. You might describe how knowing that your loved one is traveling with an elder care provider gives you peace of mind while you’re at work and can’t drive him to run his errands.

Usually the biggest fear that your loved one has with these types of changes is that he’s losing some of his already precarious independence. Often, however, these additional care options help him to maintain and in some situations increase his independence. Point out to your loved one how this benefits him and he might see the situation differently.

No matter what, you have to pick your battles carefully. Your loved one may see this as a major issue even if you see it as a relatively minor one. You may have to give up for now and revisit the topic another day.

Caring for your elderly loved one can be complicated, but he’s not being difficult just for the sake of being difficult.